Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Massacre of a Good Name

One of the many things that I’m eternally grateful to my parents for is the name they gave me. Royston Carlton Vaz!!

Royston is of Old English origin, and its meaning is "Royce's town.” According to 1990 U.S. Census, Royston is an uncommon male first name as it was not ranked for males of all ages.(As you can see I’ve done a bit of research).

It’s unique and pretty cool if I should say so myself. Sadly there have been several people over the years who have ripped my good name apart with their mispronunciations and sheer ignorance.
I’ve come to accept this as a part of life now. No use fighting a lost battle.

So here it is. The list of my different ‘aliases’.

1. Roy Singh: I kinda like this one. Don’t know exactly how it came about but it didn’t last for long.

2. Roy Sen: Two of my roommates are Bengali so some bright spark assumed I’m Bengali too and revised my name.

3. Roy Chen: As Chinese as this may sound it’s actually the mallu version of my name. Believe it or not a lot of people think I’m mallu!

4. Royasteen: Modification of my name credited to Jacko – my ex-roommate.

5. Roystrone: Our multimedia professor came up with this mispronunciation a few days ago.

6. Roy Chand: Thanks to Sanatan who bestowed this title upon me. Sadly he didn’t stop there. The name was revised again and now quite a few guys call me Chandu.

7. Roystvan: Don’t even ask how this one came about. This is part of the sheer ignorance I was referring to earlier.

8. Roystein: Pronounced like number 3 but spelt differently. This is how my name is usually written on my bills and other documents.

Apart from these major ones there have been several minor mistakes which have been overlooked over the years. I can only begin to imagine what im gonna be called next.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Chapter 2: The Torture Chamber


I know its been long since Chapter 1 but i just didnt feel inspired until today. Sitting through a boring two-hour lecture of 'Advanced Computer Architecture' apparently inspires me like nothing else. A lot seems to have happened between the bookslinger pursuing his 'Final Exam' and this scene in the torture chamber. Havent given it much thought though but i guess the bookslinger did conquer his goal and move on in his quest, just as i did finally write all my papers and move on to the second semester. Still waiting for my results!


The bookslinger slowly opened his eyes. He'd been asleep for a long time. Just how long, he had no idea. Time seemed to have its own pace in this place. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the dimly lit chamber. The pain seemed as real now as it did when he was brought bound and gagged into the room. He knew what was about to take place and a part of him wished for the bliss of ignorance.

Then it happened. The Professor walked into the chamber. This Professor like the rest of his alien race was a master of torture and lived solely for the sadistic pleasure of watching pain being inflicted on others. The bookslinger tried as hard as he could to gather his senses. It took more than a mere mortal to withstand the attack of a Professor. 'And I certainly am no mere mortal', whispered SwitchBlade as the alien beast opened its mouth and shouted out...

"Pipelining Techniques for Parallel processing!"

The bookslinger's body writhed in agony. The words stung his mind like a whip to bare flesh. This Professor was apperently extremely good at his trade. Bravo! thought SwitchBlade to himself. The sick realisation that he was cheering on his torturer did not ease the pain.
He tried to recollect his training. The lessons of 'Mind over Body' which he had breezed through. He knew that he had to remember every last bit of the course if he had to make it through this torture alive.

"Overlapping Execution of Instructions!", yelled the Professor and SwitchBlade tasted blood and bile at the back of his throat.

He did not know how much more of this he could take. No amount of training could have ever prepared him for this onslaught. Then he saw them out of the corner of his eye. His holsters and his reference books lying at the corner of the room. If he could only loosen himself from his chains and get his hands on them....

"Resource Utilization as a Performance Factor!"

A fresh wave of agony hit the bookslinger. The pain filtered down through the rest of his body as the words slowly sank into his sub-conscience. His thoughts began to wander now as the darkness slowly enveloped him. 'So much for my training!' he mused as his body worked its own mechanisms to deal with the wounds. He welcomed the darkness and the painlessness it brought. Whether he was slipping into death or merely a stupor, he really didnt care as he closed his eyes and once again, embraced nothingness.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Speechless Part 2.

Sudnya (of the sex + drugs = rock n roll fame) has struck again. This time in a slightly different vein though.

Today is IIT's birthday (Happy Birthday dude!!), and a few of us went over to his place with a cake to surprise him. After the food and drinks were done with, it was time for some project talk.At the moment we as a project group have been reading thru 'Windows Programming' by Charles Petzold. This book is the absolute authority on the subject.

So heres how our conversation went:

Me:"IIT, we'd better read thru some Petzold!"

Sudnya:"Hey! I'd like to drink some petrol too...."

I dont think i need to say anything further.There seems to be no stopping this girl!!

Disclaimer- The author of this post does not mean to offend anyone with his narration of true incidents. Its solely meant for entertainment purposes.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Please Dont Feed The Monkeys!

The age-old argument of whether we evolved from single-celled organisms or began our existence in the Garden of Eden continues...
I know there are several agruments on either side of the Creation Vs Evolution debate and I just came across these quotes while surfing the net.

Its amazing how we have progressed from a society that once believed that we are God's Children to a present generation that believes that we are descendants of apes!

Friday, January 13, 2006

The New Year came and went. Almost two weeks have passed since we sincerely (and perhaps religiously) made resolutions that we promised ourselves we'd stick to. The X'mas decorations have all come down off the walls and the trinkets have been stored away til Santa drops down our chimneys again next year.

The 'Season of Love' is now over, our true loves having given us everything from a dozen pipers piping to flightless birds in pear trees.We have already started to forget about the birth of the Saviour, which is why we had a celebration in the first place. We have gone back to our mundane lives, tryin to work off the extra pounds we put on from eating all those Christmas sweets.

In short, the festivities are over,the gifts have all been opened, holidayers have returned home and the colleges are full once again.We have officially moved on.

Friday, January 06, 2006


This one goes like this.. Im sitting at Sudnya's place(shes my project partner) and we are online. She happens to come across this community which deals with all the misconceptions that people tend to have about certain groups.

For example, its a misconception to think about a pot-bellied boozer who ends each sentence with 'men', every time you hear the word 'Goan'!

We smile at it and carry on.Few minutes later she turns to me and says..

Sudnya: "Hey, have you ever tried grass or any other drugs?"

Me: "No.Why do you ask?"

Sudnya: "Since you like Rock music i thought you'd be into drugs!"

Its on rare occasions like these that I am left totally speechless.Im online right now and Ive joined a community called "Why are girls dumb?".

Can you blame me?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Check this out. It really cracked me up.

'If you are a vegetarian, why are you being mean to animals by eating their food?!'

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The Undisputed King

One of the books that I'm currently reading is a collection of short stories by Stephen King called Everythings Eventual. King, as I have come to realise, is one of those few authors who actually inspires me to devour an entire novel in a single sitting.

The first King book I ever read was Firestarter. It was from my mom's collection of novels and she recommended it to me. That was my first taste of the macabre and ive never stopped wanting more. One of the most notable traits of King is his ability to take the most innocent scenarios and turn them into your worst nightmare with unseeming ease. I have friends who have actually had nightmares after reading King books!

Inspired by the Lord of the Rings trilogy, King has completed his own epic saga called The Dark Tower (a personal favourite). The 7th and final book of this series was released recently.The entire series has taken in excess of 13 years to complete and King has done a very fine job of it.

Several of his bestsellers have been ported to the silver screen. Of these Ive seen The Green Mile, The Dreamcatcher, Carrie, The Shining and Misery. Its quite sad to see the way his work has to be compressed to fit a 2 hour feature film. It was chilling to read how the dangerously deranged Annie chops off Paul's legs and then proceeds to weld his bloody leg-stumps with a blow torch in 'Misery'. The movie however only shows Annie (Kathy Bates) breaking his ankles with a mallet. I guess u have to judge a book and its movie on seperate merits but they could have been a little more true to the book and showed atleast a little blood.

Another thing that never fails to amuse me is the way in which a writer like JK Rowling can become a multi-millionaire by the sales of just one series of books while exceptionally gifted writer like King never tastes such widespread fame through numerous works which are far superior. Im not downplaying the calibre of Rowling but lets face it, shes just not in the same league as the undisputed King!!

Monday, January 02, 2006

New Year's Resolution

The Christmas season has come and gone and the new year has been ushered in. Having had another accident on my bike recently I think my new year's resolution should ideally be to not fall off my bike anymore. I doubt if my body can take anymore of this torture. This time I got away with just a few minor bruises and a stitched up knee.All Thanks and Praise goes to God for saving me from serious or even fatal injury!

What surprised me the most was that my mom actually allowed me to get back onto the bike after it came back from the garage. I was convinced that i'd have to travel by bus for the rest of my student days.
This time the accident wasnt my fault!! Stupid Indica driver overestimated my ESP. I was supposed to sense that he was about to turn his vehicle into my path . Probably thats why he didnt take the truble of indicating the turn.
Maybe i should refine my resolution a bit since 90% of all my accidents are not my fault at all. (the remaining 10% will no be discussed here as they fall out of context of this particular post!)

I,Royston, therefore resolve to assume that every unknown driver on the road is daft until proven otherwise. Better safe that sorry!